Varentine Euphorica
by refracted
Summary: She never understood why she gave him carnations, but it always balanced out... because he didn't know why he kept them.


you know that i love you so,

i love you enough to let you go.

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v a r e n t i n e e u p h o r i c a

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He didn't really think of her much when he first met her.

_onyx, masculine, emotionless, strong, blood, blue, revenge—_

She was the unusual outcast of the school.

_emerald, feminine, expressionist, fragile, blossoms, pink, love—_

It was funny how the word 'outcast' was already created at the age of seven.

However, as he watched her getting teased and bullied, he couldn't help but to muse one phrase.

—_t__he same road._

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And, typically, that was the thought that made him save her—even if he wasn't designed to be a hero.

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"Stop crying."

He muttered as he walked up to her, the intimidated bullies long gone and never coming back.

_who'd ever come back to an uchiha, anyway?_

She peered up, her bright green orbs filled with tears.

He sat next to her, his baby-faced yet stunning appearance making of view.

She smiled.

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And, yet, when she had saw him, the tears turned to hope.

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_she wanted him._

_._

How ironic.

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They became friends, even at their young age.

It might've been true that juvenile adolescents weren't meant to understand each other…

But when tragedy happened to him at the age of eight, their relationship spoke different.

She stood by him, even when he told her to go away.

Because she knew he didn't mean it.

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After all, they were always meant for tragedies.

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They were nine.

It was his birthday.

He never really liked birthdays ever since he became emotionless, cold and stoic at all times.

He never really liked anything anymore.

But when she appeared at his door, handing him a purple carnation, he stared at her in puzzlement.

However, he wasn't rejecting her.

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"Purple. It's the colour for death—that's for your..."

Frown.

"...Your family."

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And at the age of nine, he got his first ever carnation from her.

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It meant the world to him.

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They were ten years old.

They were getting mature—

_look at them go..._

—But something had to stop them from growing, hadn't it?

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"Sakura?"

"Tsunade-sama?"

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"Your parents—"

_look at them gone for good..._

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She didn't cry.

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"Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn."

"Here."

_A blue carnation?_

"Why are you giving one to me? It isn't even my birthday..."

_in fact, it's the day after your parents' deaths._

Smile.

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"Because it's blue. Blue's meant to mean sadness, but when I look at it, it makes me think of you—"

Pause.

"—It makes me happy."

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And at that exact second, he buried in his mind forever that she held feelings for him.

Never to be forgotten.

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They're twelve.

They're older, they're more mature and smarter.

(More further apart.)

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura are put into a three-man team with Hatake Kakashi.

And as she watches the infamous Uchiha grow, she wonders what ever happened to that boy.

That boy that had never rejected her carnations.

But, as she heard of him speak of his goal (_not dream)_ to kill a certain person…

She starts to think if he ever kept them.

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_and how you have taken a different road now._

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They're merely half way through their twelve years, but too many things have happened.

She feels the wind sway as he flies over to be her shield, protecting her.

Her skin turns beautifully numb as he catches her from falling,

And her world goes blank with colours when she hears the words that he says.

The words that he says to show that he still cares.

And when he's nearly dying—

She's not crying.

She's just pouring out lucid sentiments of wishes.

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Because he's a hero, and he's still the same.

And heroes never die.

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But, heroes have other jobs, and heroes come and go.

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"Sasuke—"

_she's crying._

"—You're leaving."

_what about those feelings? those feelings that you buried in your mind…_

"Hn."

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"Here."

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"It's a pink carnation."

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"You should know what it means."

…_t__hree years ago._

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"Thank you…"

Biting of lip.

"…Sakura."

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And when he _does_go, leaving her behind on the bench, leaving Naruto on the ground in the rain, leaving Kakashi to think how he ever believed in his student, leaving the whole of Konoha—

He doesn't leave everything.

Especially not the carnations.

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_thank you for loving me._

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Years pass so slowly

When you're alone,

And tired of missing that

Certain someone.

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She was never tired of waiting, though.

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Especially not for him.

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So when she sees him at the age of fifteen once again, it really isn't a shock that she doesn't attack him—nor does he for her.

Yamato had just been knocked out with a strike of Sasuke's chidori nagashi, along with Naruto and Sai.

She muses on why he didn't target the spell on her.

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It never enters her mind that he didn't want to.

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She walks up to him, and he watches her unfathomably, an immobile statue.

"Here."

She speaks for the umpteenth time.

His eyes glance down to the carnation in her hand, and it's a common colour.

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It's red.

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"You're smart enough now to figure this one out…"

She looks down, and they both don't fail to notice her tone is almost cynical and in mar.

"…Again."

The nostalgia of two years ago returns, and with the closing of his eyes, he almost viciously takes the carnation.

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And throws it to the ground.

Leaving her again.

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Because it's red, and it means she's bleeding, bleeding for him.

And he never wants her to.

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She then immediately concludes that he's never kept a single one of her carnations.

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He returns when they're eighteen.

_it has taken you five years to finish that stupid goal?_

The eyes watch him with disgust, hatred and no acceptance.

He doesn't care, however, because he knows that's what is expected.

Especially with their team mates.

_team mates?_

Especially with that red-haired girl.

_what about them?_

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Especially with _them_hand-in-hand.

_what about her?_

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She watches him walk through Tsunade's office, face still impassive and uncaring.

The first thing she notices…

_why, why, why?_

…of course, are Karin's and his hands held together.

She automatically averts her eyes, turning them back to sorting the papers.

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_what about that pink carnation?_

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It's three months later, and she gets a wedding invitation.

Just guess who...

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_and her red has turned black._

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And it's exactly what she gives him.

It's the night before their wedding, and they are at the party.

It's ironically painful, because parties are meant to be happy.

But, nobody's happy – Naruto is furious, Ino is _beyond_wrath, God, even Shikamaru is aggravated.

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And for the rest of the night, he is alone, and she walks up to him.

It's lucky that Karin is too busy arguing with Suigetsu, in a way.

As the pink kunoichi walks up to the Uchiha heartbreaker, her eyes are dead, and she doesn't glimmer anymore.

_what has happened to you?_

She doesn't bother to say 'here.'

She shoves it into his hands, and his ebony eyes are stuck on the flower.

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It's black, it's **black.**

_can't you see?_

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She walks away.

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And because he left, he didn't come and go like heroes were expected to.

He was gone for good, they had thought.

He's not a hero anymore, so he doesn't catch her hand like he's meant to, or even catch her as a whole.

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It wasn't like heroes could save dead people, anyway.

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They're an awful couple, they're an awful, awful…

…_couple?_

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She's behind him, watching him look nervously in the mirror.

It's the wedding day, and she just _happened_to be the person to check his clothes.

"Do I look good?"

He asks, a unique question.

_seems like Karin's changed you._

She pauses for a moment, replying,

"Yes."

_absolutely handsome._

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And as she fixed the last of his creases, he tilts his head up, meeting her eyes for just a second.

The second that jade and obsidian clash, it seems like forever.

But she breaks it off, running out of the room.

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He doesn't fail to catch the sole tear that dripped down her face.

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_seems like she's changed you too._

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"Do you, Uchiha Sasuke, take Yana Karin to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

_oh, no, no, no._

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"I—"

_no, no, no!_

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"—Do."

_no..._

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And as they kiss, he doesn't appear in front of her and kiss her instead, like he's meant to.

And she doesn't barge through the doors with an "I object,"

And they don't continue their happily ever after.

They never did what they were meant to.

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But, she doesn't stop herself from leaving the chapel with a fake excuse,

And not being as observant as he is, she falls short to see the few seconds that he glances at her before saying those two dreadful words.

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And the next time she sees him,

Sasuke and Karin both have rings, hands entangled, the Uchiha planting a kiss on the red-head's forehead.

He's not _him,_he's not _Sasuke-kun_anymore.

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He's just Sasuke.

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"Here."

She speaks again, and it's been a while...

He looks down.

It's a white carnation.

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"Congratulations."

_congratulations that it's your first anniversary, not ours._

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And as she walks away, just like he did too her, his eyes still remain on the white carnation.

It's the white colour that she should've been dressed in, that she should've been perfect, pure…

Not wrecked, depressed and lifeless.

His eyes crease at the thoughts, and then they switch to the pinkette walking away from him.

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"Sakura…"

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He hands her back the carnation.

She looks at him in confusion.

"Why do you give it to me, Sakura?"

He questions, commanding and harsh.

Her eyes forestall to the ground.

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"Because of the pink carnation."

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He returns to his house, trying to find that _pink carnation._

He does.

It's packed amongst the purple, blue and black carnations—and even the red, which he had thrown, but only to pick up again.

He grasps the pink carnation, and of course, it reminds him of her.

It reminds him of her flowing pink hair, her liking for the sweet colour, and the gradient of her full lips.

But most of all, it reminds him of her love.

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It shouldn't be his anymore.

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He hands back all of the carnations the next day, in bright morning.

She's appalled.

_he's kept it all, he's kept it…_

"Sakura."

…_why did he?_

She peers up at him, eyes filling with tears.

"I'm not keeping your heart—"

He is interrupted.

"You're not just keeping my _heart,_Sasuke-ku—Sasuke."

_it's just sasuke, it's just sasuke._

His eyebrows furrow, and she sighs, pointing to each one of them.

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_Purple._

"You've kept my pain."

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_Blue._

"You've kept my hope."

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_Pink._

"You've kept my love..."

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_Red._

"You've kept my tears."

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_Black._

"You've kept my void."

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_White._

"You've kept my happiness, my whole."

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Silence engulfs them.

"You've kept all of them, and you can't give them back—"

Her tears cascade down her face, so slowly.

"—It's all yours. Forever."

He frowns, scrutinizing her appearance as she breaks down, her once 'nothingness' barrier crashing, her tears evoking pain, and her whole body figure becoming scrunched.

She laughs.

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"B-But—forever is n-nothing without you, i-isn't it?"

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_true love is wanting someone's happiness._

_but romantic love is wanting that somebody for themselves._

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"But your forever is more important than mine, Sasuke-kun."

_he's still him, he always is._

She throws the carnations back in his hands.

She looks at him tearfully for the last time, whimpers escaping her mouth.

"And, if we were together, that wouldn't have felt like throwing the bouquet at the end of a wedding—because it would've been ours, wouldn't it?

Her body shifts in icing wretchedness, and she walks away. Again.

_why don't you stop her? why don't you—_

He doesn't stop her.

He can't, not anymore.

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And, she never sees him anymore, because that night,

She causes herself to fall into that blissful oblivion.

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And, on her grave, there are carnations.

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There's blue, purple, white, pink, red and black.

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But there's a difference.

Because there's a yellow carnation, and there's another pink one…

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_look at them go._

_look at them gone for good…_

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…_t__hey_are _gone for good._

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…She has his heart, and she has his happiness.

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Forever.

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* * *

Just re-reading this and editing it, I've gotta say, I'm like... I wrote this? c:


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